“I wasn’t making money but I was earning in other ways.” What a wise and wonderful statement that many of us need to read and absorb! And so true - a woman is always working. I am finally learning to own my downtime and not apologize for, or explain, my need for it. Maybe men go through a different version of it, but being a woman just adds layers of invisibility on top of this shredding away of self as we work and work and work.
So true and so very well written. The guilt of having to ask the partner for money is something I have heard from many other women who quit their well paying jobs. Until society stops valuing a person in terms of money they make I suppose women will be caught between financial independence and time independence
'Sensational' indeed!! No office drama, no corporate politics, no amount of overtime, no hard deadlines and no professional drudgery can compare with the intensity of what unfolds evey day at home, 24/7😄😄 You get as many of those naps as you can - and more strength to you!!🫂🫂🫂
Uff yaar Parool! Your words are like a salve to our collective hearts! I only just got around to reading this after a long sabbatical from substack. It isn't a coincidence that this caught my eye first! 'Sitting at home' se hi aata hai aisa behtareen essay! :D I also chuckled at the casual sarcasm in the quintessential gentle Parool style sprinkled across the whole piece!
Wow!! "What a woman does all day is figure out ways to be in ten places at the same time." Munh tod jawab, but with so much love and power. Thank you Parool. Last paragraph ke liye. We have to see it and understand it. We have to live it too.
"But here’s the strange thing. I wasn’t able to sit at home. I was always on my feet. Years and years of neglect had left me with piles and piles of things we did not need. So I began to sort through things and give them away. It has been two years and I am still not done. This is a lot of work. Yes, when I get tired, I sit on the couch, have a snack, and watch TV. I take a short nap in the afternoon on days when it is possible. Why? Because I want to fill my cup before my child comes back from school and takes over the house. I think the “sitting at home” bit is just 30 mins of the whole deal."....
This is also why i have the 'job' - there i am allowed to sit. and be left to it. i have been saying it for 10 years now, maybe more. everyone thinks i am kidding, but i am not.
After working for 34 years as a Civil Engineer people ask me this question.Even my wife who is still working asks me this question & is jealous.Difficult for Retired Govt Civil Engineers to get a second innings.
"I am exceptionally good at being hard on myself. So from blaming others, I decided to shift the blame to myself. I began to believe that it was my mental and physical health, my imposter syndrome, my guilt, my lack of vision, my low energy levels, and many other things that were mine that had caused it to happen. That didn’t work well because every time I would give this answer, I felt like I had indeed made a mistake and began to fall deeper into shame. At the same time, the ones questioning me would begin giving me examples of women who had overcome all these obstacles to ace their jobs. " Parool, you have said for me what I could never have said even to myself. Being a woman is hard incredibly so but it also means being able to identify and appreciate another honest woman like you. Enjoy every nap, every cup of tea, every cleaned cupboard and tell us about your 'doing nothing' days.
Oh my god, Parool, this is such a heartfelt piece. Thank you so much for writing this and putting it out so succinctly what it means for a working woman to be home.
Such an honest and vulnerable piece that hits notes one didn’t know existed within. Thank you for this, so many layers to unpack and so much to unlearn, really appreciate you sharing your thoughts so well :)
Reads like healing to me. You are healing all day 💛
I've been down this road, and what really rankled was how the power equation in the household tipped so quickly towards the person who brought in the money. Earlier I was in denial (hell no, we're a progressive family!), but now I tell myself, this is how it is, and my job is to reimagine it detail by detail. Then it will change too, just like I have 🌻
Absolutely love this! I can relate to this a lot. We need to start telling ourselves honest stories instead of cultural lies, and you have told yours brilliantly here.
Oh! your gift of gentle, warm words that you deliver with a chuckle. I can actually feel the chuckle through this writing and the unraveling, sense-making that comes with it...
If you ever wrote a book of memoirs, and you must! I am going to be your first buyer. :)
Love it, Parool. Makes me want to meet you sooner.
Makes me want to attempt my own version of a similar journey but I am afraid it would be made of wide jumps from sulking, falling sick non-stop to finding spiritual meaning (which can be super pakau at times), not as fun as yours :)
I envy you and love your writing at the same time.
“I wasn’t making money but I was earning in other ways.” What a wise and wonderful statement that many of us need to read and absorb! And so true - a woman is always working. I am finally learning to own my downtime and not apologize for, or explain, my need for it. Maybe men go through a different version of it, but being a woman just adds layers of invisibility on top of this shredding away of self as we work and work and work.
Yes, Binu. Layers and layers is what it is. Thank you for your words. ❤️🤗
So true and so very well written. The guilt of having to ask the partner for money is something I have heard from many other women who quit their well paying jobs. Until society stops valuing a person in terms of money they make I suppose women will be caught between financial independence and time independence
There are so many layers to this. Money is just the tip of the iceberg. 😔 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Vishakha. ❤️
'Sensational' indeed!! No office drama, no corporate politics, no amount of overtime, no hard deadlines and no professional drudgery can compare with the intensity of what unfolds evey day at home, 24/7😄😄 You get as many of those naps as you can - and more strength to you!!🫂🫂🫂
Thanks a ton, Alaknanda ❤️🤗
Uff yaar Parool! Your words are like a salve to our collective hearts! I only just got around to reading this after a long sabbatical from substack. It isn't a coincidence that this caught my eye first! 'Sitting at home' se hi aata hai aisa behtareen essay! :D I also chuckled at the casual sarcasm in the quintessential gentle Parool style sprinkled across the whole piece!
Thank you for reading this, Sana! Haan, yeh toh sach baat hai. Ghar pe baith ke hi likhna shuru hua hai. 🩷
Parool you have written my story and I am so glad you did because I cannot think of a better way to witness and be witnessed.
Nishi 🤗❤️ thank you for saying this!
Wow!! "What a woman does all day is figure out ways to be in ten places at the same time." Munh tod jawab, but with so much love and power. Thank you Parool. Last paragraph ke liye. We have to see it and understand it. We have to live it too.
Yes, we have to live it. No replacement to that. ❤️
This is so harsh and true. I went through this on 2020 and trust me, even now the feeling of something lost doesn't go
I don't think it ever goes away but the way you relate to that feeling can change if we allow it to. Time is underrated. ❤️
"But here’s the strange thing. I wasn’t able to sit at home. I was always on my feet. Years and years of neglect had left me with piles and piles of things we did not need. So I began to sort through things and give them away. It has been two years and I am still not done. This is a lot of work. Yes, when I get tired, I sit on the couch, have a snack, and watch TV. I take a short nap in the afternoon on days when it is possible. Why? Because I want to fill my cup before my child comes back from school and takes over the house. I think the “sitting at home” bit is just 30 mins of the whole deal."....
This is also why i have the 'job' - there i am allowed to sit. and be left to it. i have been saying it for 10 years now, maybe more. everyone thinks i am kidding, but i am not.
Thank you for writing this, Parool
Thank you for saying it like it is, Khyati! ❤️
After working for 34 years as a Civil Engineer people ask me this question.Even my wife who is still working asks me this question & is jealous.Difficult for Retired Govt Civil Engineers to get a second innings.
Create one for yourself. 🩷
"I am exceptionally good at being hard on myself. So from blaming others, I decided to shift the blame to myself. I began to believe that it was my mental and physical health, my imposter syndrome, my guilt, my lack of vision, my low energy levels, and many other things that were mine that had caused it to happen. That didn’t work well because every time I would give this answer, I felt like I had indeed made a mistake and began to fall deeper into shame. At the same time, the ones questioning me would begin giving me examples of women who had overcome all these obstacles to ace their jobs. " Parool, you have said for me what I could never have said even to myself. Being a woman is hard incredibly so but it also means being able to identify and appreciate another honest woman like you. Enjoy every nap, every cup of tea, every cleaned cupboard and tell us about your 'doing nothing' days.
Thank you so much, Charulatha. 🤗🩷🥹
Oh my god, Parool, this is such a heartfelt piece. Thank you so much for writing this and putting it out so succinctly what it means for a working woman to be home.
Thank you so much for reading it and sharing your thoughts, Priyanka. It means a lot to me. 🩷
Such an honest and vulnerable piece that hits notes one didn’t know existed within. Thank you for this, so many layers to unpack and so much to unlearn, really appreciate you sharing your thoughts so well :)
Thank you so much, Saloni! ❤️
Better throw this question back to the person who asks it, "then what do you do all day?
😄😄
Reads like healing to me. You are healing all day 💛
I've been down this road, and what really rankled was how the power equation in the household tipped so quickly towards the person who brought in the money. Earlier I was in denial (hell no, we're a progressive family!), but now I tell myself, this is how it is, and my job is to reimagine it detail by detail. Then it will change too, just like I have 🌻
"...this is how it is, and my job is to reimagine it details by detail." Totally agree, Swaati. Thank you ❤️🤗
Absolutely love this! I can relate to this a lot. We need to start telling ourselves honest stories instead of cultural lies, and you have told yours brilliantly here.
Thanks, Naina. I'm glad this spoke to you. ❤️🤗
Oh! your gift of gentle, warm words that you deliver with a chuckle. I can actually feel the chuckle through this writing and the unraveling, sense-making that comes with it...
If you ever wrote a book of memoirs, and you must! I am going to be your first buyer. :)
Love it, Parool. Makes me want to meet you sooner.
Makes me want to attempt my own version of a similar journey but I am afraid it would be made of wide jumps from sulking, falling sick non-stop to finding spiritual meaning (which can be super pakau at times), not as fun as yours :)
I envy you and love your writing at the same time.
Sending a big big hug!